Oh No! Not *another* B/S fic!
by Cal
Summary: A fic mocking all the badly written B/S people write. This used to be mocking 'first fics' people wrote, but is now a B/S parody.
1. Come on, admit it. You've read this same...

Author's Notes: Yes, I am aware I haven't finished my season 6 thing yet, but right now I basically don't have any material to use ****

Author's Notes: Yes, I am aware I haven't finished my season 6 thing yet, but right now I basically don't have any material to use. Suggestions, anyone? Oh, and about this fic. I just want to apologise if anyone is offended by it. It's just a bit of fun.

Oh No! Not *another* 'starting out' fic!

****

Authorz note: Hey everyone!!!!! Like, this is my 1st eva fic so be gentle! It's an AU which is priddy much _absolutely nothing_ like the show!!!! Oops, how _do these bold_ and italic keys work again??????

Like, one day Spike was walking along the road in Sunnydale. Then Buffy came and bumped into him. 

"Hey Buffy!" he said cheerfully. "Howz it going!"

"Fine!!! And u?" Buffy answered wiv a smile. Spike sure is hot. She thought.

"Pretty good, you!" Spike asked.

Buffy stared confused. "Like, didn't you not just ask me that?" she said confusedly.

"Oh yeah. Like WHATEVER." Spike said.

he is so charming **thought Spike. I mean Buffy.**

"Say you wanna go on a date tonite????" Spike said.

"Like no way your my enemy!!" said Buffy. "Well, actually on second thought ok. See you tonite."

"YESS I have a date wiv Buffy!!" Spike yelled. Then he blushed and ran away.

hes so cute buffy thought.

*** * **** *** *** * ** * * ** * *****

Like, the next day Buffy was getting ready.

Ohmigod Spike is soooooooo hot. She thought. I mean even thought he used to be my _mortal enemie now_ he has a chip so itz ok to date him right????

Then the_ir w_as a knocking at the door. open up it's me willow said willow.

"ok I'll be right they're!!!!!!!!!!!! Buffy replied.

Buffy Spike has been in an accident he is in a coma_." W_illow said quickly.

****

"Like, NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" buffy cried. "now our love will never happen!!!!!!!!!"

what are u talking about???????? Said willow wiv a smile.

I love spike "buffy explained."

The end.

Like, please review!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

****

THE REVIEWERS THOUGHTS:

From: Spikesgirlfriend4eva

Review: Like, that was sooooooo good! Spike n Buffy 4 eva YEAH!!!!

From: bilbo

Review: morreeeeee I'm can't wait for the next chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From: Angelus

Review: What the hell kinda piece of crap was this?! It made no freaking sense!

****

The End! For now.......


	2. Oooooh, B/S fans are *not* going to be p...

Authorz notez: Like, this is my 1st eva fic so please be gentle ****

Authorz notez: _Like**, this is my** 1st eva fic so plea_se be gentle! I've still not worked out how to get this computer to like, work. Umm well thatz all I hav to say except B/S 4eva!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Buffy wiped a tear from her eye she sat by Spikez bed. 

"oh no its sooooooo unfair spike is in a coma. Please god let him live because i love him. I love him wiv all my heart and mind and plus he is so hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

A nurse who had, stuck **her head** round the door cried, with this movi_ng speech._

2"Spike i love you please wake up.'

suddenly spike opened his eyes and stared at Buffy.

"hello buffy. he said.

"Spike your awake!!!!!!!!!!" like, ohmigod nurse come here!!"

* * *

Suddenly Sid the Dummy from The Puppet Show appears.

Sid - Wait, wait, hold everything. This is horrible. Kid, you are the worst. Even I could see your lips mo-

Author – Shut up, those are your damn lines from the Puppet Show – an amazing ep, I might add – get some new ones.

Sid – This is _supposed _to be a fic mocking all the badly written starting out fics everywhere. It's _supposed_ to be **witty** and **funny**. But this so far has been nothing but a deliberately badly written fic! Author, change the tone a little!

Author – I'll see what I can do.

[And now back to our regularly scheduled fic. What? That lines been done before? Ah, sue me!]

* * *

Spike sat up in bed. 

"Yes, Buffy, your powerful and incredibly moving speech gave me the strength to wake up. I love you too, I always have. That whole "trying to kill you" thing for two years was just a phase!" he told her.

"Oh Spike! Say we'll be together forever!" cried Buffy, in a stupendous change of character.

"As long as you're with me, we'll always be together. Well, except for when you age and die and I stay young." Spike said.

"Let's go tell the others!!!" Buffy said.

* * *

Giles and Xander and Willow and Tara and Anya and Spike were all in the Magic Box when Buffy and Spike came in smiling together and holding each other hands and kissing.

"What's going on???????" Xander cried. "I seem to be asking a completely obvious and therefore ridiculous and unneccessary question."

"Have I done another will spell or something?????????" asked willow. "By the way that last comment was supposed to be funny, in case anyone was wondering. Yes, that sadly is the extent of the humour in this starting-out fic." She added.

"By jove!" cried Giles for absolutely no bloody reason at all. "Am I to assume that in the context of the previous transaction that Buffy and William the Bloody are now pursuing a carnal relationship?" 

OR...

"By jove!" cried Giles for absolutely no bloody reason at all. "buffy and spike are dating!!!! buffy how could you he is a murderous fiend!!!!!!!!!"

"What was the OR for?" asked Buffy.

"In the majority of starting out fics I'm either portrayed as far too over the top in my Britishness or I just act completely out of character." Giles explained.

"I am going to stake Spike!!!!!!" xander yelled he ran and jumped at spike ready to plunge the steak in his heart. 

"NOOOOOOOO!!!" cried Buffy. She ran at Xander and punched him, knocking him unconscious.

"That's it!!!!!! I hate you all, and I am choosing Spike instead of you all. We're leaving town tomorrow night!"

And with that they left the shop.

"Ah well, let's just accept that instead of trying to convince her not to." said Giles.

****

THE REVIEWER'S THOUGHTS:

From: lilothepony

Review: Pleeeeease write more!!!! I want to see what happens!

From: Spikesgirlfriend4eva

Review: This iz soooo good B/S 4 eva YEAH!!!!!!

From: ruffrida

Review: that waz ok

From: Angelus

Review: That blatantly sucked. Firstly vampires can't get comas in the first place, and even if they did a person doesn't just wake up from one 5 minutes later! Everyone was out of character and the dialogue was flat and lame. Minus 5 out of 10.


	3. I bet you guys are only reading for the ...

Author's Notes: Ok, I'm getting the impression that some people didn't quite 'get' what this fic is about ****

Author's Notes: Ok, I'm getting the impression that some people didn't quite 'get' what this fic is about. At first I decided to write a parody of the typical incredibly-badly-written starting out fics people write, but then I decided to try and make the jokes of a higher calibre, so that's what the whole intermission in the middle was about. If you notice any spelling mistakes, grammar mistakes, or anything, they're meant to be there deliberately. This is going to be written as if it is a serious fic, but it will contain elements included in starting out fics, and will exaggerate and mock them. 

PLEASE NOTE, THAT THIS IS NOT MY FIRST EVER FIC, AND I AM NOT THAT BAD A WRITER! THIS IS A SATIRE!

Ok, glad we cleared that up. ;-)

And now onto THE ACTUAL FIC. 

.......(Sorry if I sound stuck up or condescending, by the way)

Spike smiled at Buffy, his true love, his dark goddess, his ray of hope, his light, his queen, his reason for living, his link to the world. 

__

I think she goes by just "Buffy" now, he noted.

They were packing. 

"Apparently I own a suitcase, and enough clothes to put in it." Spike commented. "Oh, by the way I just thought at this point in time I'd mention Pippa is cool. She's a good person who's taken a lot of crap she didn't deserve from a lot of people, and I respect her for that."

Buffy wrinkled her nose. 

"What are you talking about?"

"Never mind. Readers, ignore this bit. Damn, this series seems to be flopping."

Buffy stared.

"Riiiiight. Now, on a completely unrelated topic, they can do wonders in mental hospitals nowadays..."

* * *

"Giles we need to stop Buffy and Spike from leaving town. Hmm, how can we do that?" Xander said thoughtfully.

"I know, let's go find Angel! I'm sure bringing an ex of hers to the scene and causing them both maximum emotional pain will somehow make everything turn out for the best." Willow suggested. 

Silence.

"Let's make that plan B, shall we?" Giles finally said.

"Kay!!" Willow said cheerfully. She squealed. Xander raised an eyebrow.

"Why are you being so weird? Too much caffeine again?"

"No, but in most starting out fics my character is shown as incredibly hyper, and I usually sound like a 5 year old despite being a borderline-genius."

"Um...oh."

There was another pause.

"So....what are we supposed to be doing again?" Xander asked, searching desperately for something to say.

Giles began to clean his glasses.

"Well, you see, we play a pretty minor role in most starting out fics. Yep, most of the 'screen time' is focusing on Buffy and Spike's developing relationship. In fact, there isn't really much point in us being here. All we do is screw stuff up between them and someway or other earn Buffy's eternal hate."

"Sounds like we've got our job laid out for us then! C'mon guys, let's get workin'! Let's act as if we don't know Buffy at all, and do the obviously worst thing possible in the situation!!!" Willow said ecstatically.

The three got to work.

* * *

"So...where are we going?" Buffy asked Spike, who was driving.

"Anywhere you want, babe." Spike said, smiling. "Well, actually that last part was only said to sound romantic. We're goin' to Texas."

"One question."

"Shoot." 

"Why in the hell are we going to goddamn Texas?!" 

"For some bizarre reason it's a requirement of a starting out fic. That or New York. Oh yeah, plus you need to apparently 'forget' about your sworn duty. Yep, just completely obliterate it from your memory."

"Ok. Anything else?"

"Yeah...we have to either act really casual together like we aren't even a couple, or be constantly on each other, kissing, groping etc."

"Um...why?" 

Spike looked Buffy dead in the eye.

"'Cause it's required, baby." He said dramatically. *cough OVER ACTING! cough*

****

THE REVIEWER'S THOUGHTS:

From: Zippo

Review: that sucked your pretty gay

From: Liddlepinkflowa

Review: Like, ohmigod, seriously, that was like soooooo good! You should like really be a real writer...like, really!

From: zignzag

Review: WRITE MORE!!!!!! I WANNA SEE WHAT HAPPENS!!!!!!

From: Angelus 

Review: ....wtf is this pile of horse crap?? You are seriously disturbed if you think *this* is what the characters are like in the B:tVS world. Basically, you SUCK. Stop writing, please, for the sake of mankind!

Chapter 4 coming....well, it depends whether people actually find this funny or not.


	4. Running out of ideas. A hint, guys. You ...

Author's Notes: I have no idea where I'm taking this series, so anyone with a suggestion let me know ****

Author's Notes: I have no idea where I'm taking this series, so anyone with a suggestion let me know. 

I also decided to have a system here. If any character refers to "the Author" with a capital, it's me. If they refer to "the author" with no capital, it is the stereotypical moronic writer I am mocking.

****

Au**tho_rz_** Not**ez:** Like, ohmig_od_, you won't _believe this_! I've got, like, a FLAME!! Like, **somebody doesn't recognise my, like tallent. **

So I'm like gonna work even like harder to make this a like, good story! *Squeals* B/S 4 EVA!!!!!!

Like, the next day Buffy and Spike arrived in China.

"Wait a minute," Spike said to Buffy, frowning. He looked around. "I thought we were going to Texas?"

"Oh yeah, well apparently the author lost interest in that idea and discarded it, figuring no-one would notice. They then decided it would be a good idea to change our new living location to the most ridiculous place possible." Buffy explained.

"Oh. That makes sense. Well, in a 'wtf, that makes no bloody sense AT ALL' kinda way." Spike commented.

So then like Spike and Buffy went to bed and kept the neighbours up with long, loud hot steamy sessions of use ur imagination!!!!!!!!....[author pauses and thinks for a second].....!!!!!

"Wow, you've really got the hang of the single entendre there." said Spike, rolling his eyes.

* * *

"Like, really, whatEVER, ohmigod, B/S 4 eva, YEAH!!!!!!!!"

The author sat back and tried saying the extent of her vocabulary out loud. 

"Like, the words just won't come. I think I have, like writers self-defence move."

She sat and thought. *cough* Well, 'thought' is maybe too generous a word to use in the situation...

"Like, ohmigod, I know what to do!" The author squealed. "I'll just like, write it anyway! No matter how SEE-AR-AY-PEE-EYE-EN-GEE it is." 

* * *

"So, let me go over the plan one more time." 

Giles, Willow and Xander sat in the Magic Box. They had spent the whole afternoon formulating (ooh, big word) a plan to deal with the B/S situation.

"B/S?" Xander repeated. "Couldn't have put it better myself...." he muttered.

Willow looked around.

"Hey, where is everybody? Tara, Anya, Spike, hell, maybe even Agent Corn-farm."

"Ah, well you see Willow, the majority of starting out fics tend to forget those characters. So I'm afraid there's no getting laid for either of you."

Simultaneously...

"Dammit!"

"Damn those authors!" 

Willow and Xander began to sulk.

"Uh...yes, quite." Giles checked his watch. "Wait a minute. How can we have only spent 'the whole afternoon' thinking up a plan when it's already been mentioned a whole day has passed?"

"...Because in most starting out fics time periods are completely irrelevant?" Xander suggested.

"Right, enough of us bluntly stating all the inconsistencies of starting out fics. Instead let us try to subtly fit them into the storyline, like other authors do. Cal...." he glared.

"Sorry." The Author apologised.

"So," Willow interrupted. "The plan is for us to tranquillise Buffy and somehow get some organisation we hate and don't trust like the Watchers Council or the Initiative to keep her locked up until she sees sense?"

"Yep." Xander confirmed.

".........Why am I somehow doubting that plan's reliability?"

"Well, duh, because in the majority-"

"Xander!" Giles hissed.

"Oops, um what I meant to say was....." Xander looked puzzled. He turned to Giles.  
"Exactly how do you subtly fit jabs at the authors into the storyline?"

"Well, it's simple. You.....well, that is to say, one will....uh..."

* * *

Spike and Buffy walked hand-in-hand down the busy street of Australia, whistling a merry tune, in synch with each other. 

"My dear, isn't life simply wonderful?" Spike asked Buffy.

"Why yes, my pumpkin-honeycomb. It's simply perfect." Buffy replied, her heart content.

"Waitaminute, stop, hold everything." Spike suddenly glanced around him. "Why the hell did we come to Australia, a land known for it's SUN? And while we're at it, why am I walking outside in broad daylight and staying in this rather pleasant state of non-spontaneous combustion?"

"Well, you see, IN THE MAJORITY OF STARTING OUT FICS," Buffy began, glaring pointedly at the Author. "The author conveniently forgets that you can't travel around during the day."

"Oh. Well, that's bloody convenient."

"I think I covered that with the whole 'conveniently forgets' comment."

"Well, excuuuuuuuuuse me!!!!!!!!" Spike said. Then he frowned.

"Wait a minute, why the hell did I say that? I don't talk like that."

"Well, in the majority....you get the idea."

* * *

"So...." Giles managed to say. "How about we go over the plan?"

The three were draped out across the table, absolutely exhausted.

"What, again?!!" Willow screeched, too tired to be-hyper-and-act-like-a-five-year-old. "We've gone over the damn plan 812 times!!"

"You actually counted?" Xander asked quietly. With a glare from Willow he shut up.

"Well, you see, in most starting out fics the phrase 'so, how about we go over the plan' or some variation is used in every scene opening, as a plot device to keep the readers up to date."

"Isn't that just lazy and convenient?" asked Willow. 

Giles gave her a significant look.

"Oh. Right."

"So-" Giles began.

"GODDAMN IT, THE PLAN IS TO LOCK BUFFY UP UNTIL SHE'S NOT PSYCHOTIC ANYMORE!!!!!" Xander yelled, in a rather stupid outburst.

The three were silent for a moment.

"So, how about..." 

****

THE REVIEWER'S THOUGHTS:

From: Sclub7pandagrl

Review: Like, that woz wierd I didnt understand it.....

From: Genghis

Review: Um I don't really no what 2 say..*notices other people are saying, 'great fic etc'* ...on 2nd thought its great man yeah keep it up.

From: Oogleboogle ('Kay, I'm really pushing it with the names here)

Review: Yes, well, while I'm not largely a fan of parodies myself, blah blah blah. As Freud once said, 'Ha ha, only complete losers quote me in an argument'. Blah blah etc etc.

From: Twoannoying13yearoldgirlsfromengland

Review: erm yeh we liked it it woz gr8 but don't make fun of Spike he is HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From: Spikesgirlfriend4eva

Review: good B/S 4 eva YEAH!!!!!!

From: Johnson

Review: u think ur so smart, dont u. How would u like it if someone did this to u? I'M GONNA HACK UR COMPUTER AND ERASE UR C DRIVE HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!! God, I'm so witty.

From: Steve Groper

Review: yeah, good FOR A FIFTEEN YEAR OLD 

(That ones for you, Jenn!)

From: Angelus

Review: Yeah, um that sucked, etc.


	5. To quote Buffy in 'When she was bad' - ...

Author's Notes: I was completely ready to stop writing, when something happened ****

Author's Notes: I was completely ready to stop writing, when something happened. Nothing big, but significant. I had just come home from school, and my mother was really stressed. My little baby brother was crying, and she was trying to make him eat. My sister apparently 'hated' me for some reason. Anyway, tension was high.

But I was able to make everyone in the room laugh, several times.

And as I looked at their smiling faces, I realised I had been able to make them forget their worries and troubles, and feel happy, if only for a moment. 

And that, THAT, is why I'm going to continue.

Screw the goddamn flamers.

Oh No! Not *another* 'starting out' fic!

__

Now in script form!!

.....oh wait, no it isn't. What I meant to say was "Now in exactly the same form, but with stupid stage directions and scene info."

Scene opens in....Bosnia.

Characters: Spike and Buffy

Title: Oh No! Not *another*....etc.

Author's name: BSGRL4EVA

Author's address: Like, wait, isn't this much detail like, a bit unnecessary? Oh well, I'll like do it anyway:

87 Retardville Walk

Moron Street

Cretin...town. (A/N: I'm really pushing it, huh?)

Ship: B/S 4 EVA!!!!!!!!!!

Plot: None. 

Plot DEVELOPMENTS: None.

Genre: Like, I'm female.

Spike and Buffy were walking along um....11th street in Paris, Italy when Buffy suddenly turned to Spike.

"Spike, I don't know how to say this..." she began.

"Try English!!!!!!!!!!!!" Spike advised, with a goofy grin. Then, he grew serious.

"Buffy, you are my whole meaning in life. For you I exist. You are my dream, my essence, my soul." He paused. "Um, ignore that last part. I love you with all my mind, and heart, and soul." He paused again. "Dammit! Anyway, I love you so much. Without you I'm nothing. In fact, if you were ever taken from me I would walk into the sunlight." He coughed. "God, how many of these long speeches do I have to do? My vocal cords hurt like buggery. Oh, but I'm rambling."

"Gee, ya think?"

"Without you I'd die, etc. Anyway, what were you going to say?" Spike asked inquisitively.

"I think we should break up."

* * *

Zoom in on exactly the same bloody scene, therefore making a scene change completely unnecessary.

"WHAT?!! How could u Buffie I am ur soulmate!!!!!!" Spike shrieked.

"I'm sorry Spikis-sweetums....uh, Spike, but I just think we're growing apart."

"I don't grow!"

"Damn. Umm....we're two separate people now?"  
"I'm not a person!"

"ALRIGHT GODDAMN IT I'M SCREWING ANGEL!!!" she yelled.

"The word 'curse' ring any bells? No? How about the words 'rampage', 'of', 'terror', 'and', 'destruction'?!"

"Well," Buffy looked thoughtful. "I do seem to recall 'of' at some point..."

* * * (What, another?!)

Angel smiled at he walked down the busy street. It was a bright, sunny....

"Oops! Damn!" he yelled as he disintegrated into ashes.

[A man with a black clipboard appears]

"Angel scene, take 2!" he yelled.

Angel smiled as.....poof.

"Dammit!"

* * *

[The same man, looking very weary, steps slowly into view]

"Angel scene....take...137." he croaked.

Angel winced as he was shoved into view, the Gem of Amarra duck-taped to his finger.

"Is this really necessary?" he called to an out-of-view person, glaring at his finger.

"We're on!" someone hissed from the background.

"Oh! Ahem..." Angel smiled a little too brightly at the...um, readers. He opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it and remained staring at the...um, readers blankly. His face turned red.

"Prompt." He muttered.

* * *

A STATEMENT FROM THE PRODUCER...um, whoever that is:

"The Angel scene was skipped because he kept either screwing up his lines, or catching and fire and burning to death. Ya know how it is."

(And now back to our regularly scheduled...what? That line's been done before? By me? In the 2nd chapter? Ah...screw you guys!)

****

THE REVIEWER'S THOUGHTS:

From: Spikezgrlfrnd4EVA!!!

Review: i hav changed mi name i bet u dont no who i am!!!!!! don't break up spike n buffie plz i luv them they r sooo cute 2gether!!!!! 

From: Rockinthecasbahonthebloodyjew'sharp

Review: ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

From: lilangel

Review: YEH U R GETTING ANGEL 'N' BUFFY 2GETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From: Angelus

Review: Um...*turns to readers* Am I supposed to be pretending to review the crappy fic or the humour one? Just give me that much.


	6. The touching reconciliation

**Author's Notes:** Yeah, I know it's been absolutely AGES since I updated this (or any other story, for that matter). Well, it's great to be back. I have a few things I'd like to say. 

Firstly, I apologise for my annoying author's notes in the previous chapters of this story. Especially the last one *looks back and winces*Damn, even I'M annoyed by reading that whole "Screw the goddamn flamers" thing, and I wrote it! Anyway, apologies, was not of sound mind, y'know, etc.

Secondly, how unreasonable was it of them to delete ALL MST's? Yes, I am aware this has no place in author's notes of an unrelated story, but it was pretty cruel, huh? 

And thirdly, some people may wonder why this constantly references "starting out" fics, well the simple explanation is that this used to be a parody mocking all the 'first fics' people wrote, but then I realised it had turned into a B/S parody, so decided to change the title. (And don't worry, I will NOT be making the overused and tired Buffy/Spike, Bull/Sh*t joke.

Buffy sighed as Angel kissed her, enjoying his attentive attentions. _How can I describe us? He is night, I am day. He is darkness, I am light. Wait, aren't those two pretty much the same? _Buffy decided to ignore this momentary similarity and move on…to the previous topic. _I am fire, he is…um, what's the opposite of that? … a fire extinguisher, I guess…not very romantic. Oh well. _She stared at Angel's face, studying it. _So handsome. Funny how he seemed to be the right age to date me ages 16 through 21. He still looks the same now as he did when I first met him. _

"Buffy," Angel interrupted Buffy's silent gushing of love. "Pass me that wrinkle cream, will you?"

Buffy separated from Angel slowly, making sure to avoid getting cut by his false fangs, when suddenly, with no warning, out of the blue, to her complete surprise, shocking both her and Angel, Spike bounded theatrically into the room. There was a flash of smoke, and a menacing crack of thunder boomed outside the mansion. Yes, the abandoned mansion. Angel and Buffy has been sure they would avoid detection at this particular hiding place, but after all Spike wasn't called Spike for nothing. (His nickname 'Spike' had been earned due to his magnificent tracking skills)

"Aha!" Spike boomed. "I have at last found you! Now I will take my revenge! Prepare to die, sire!" His lips finished moving.

Angel leaped up and launched out with an amazing roundhouse punch and a spectacular left cross kick. Spike retaliated with a strong right hook kick, and an astronomical scissors punch. They soon found themselves full out fighting on the mansion floor while Buffy watched, naturally powerless to interfere.

"You'v' be'n shag'gin' m'y bird'!" cried Spike.

"She's mine," growled Angel dangerously.

"ACTUALLY," Buffy put in, scowling, "I'm my own woman and belong to nobody!!" She then fainted.

"Oh no, beloved!" Angel and Spike cried simultaneously, and, forgetting their previous troubles, co-operated in moving Buffy over to the nearest available bed, couch or Giles' apartment.

"This is all your fault! You're going to hell!" Angel yelled. "And I would know, I've been there." He added darkly.

"Bli'nkin' eck' thi's no' my fa'ult, sire!" Spike screamed back. "Me' and 'er, we'r'e bound. Soul'mat'es. Sh'e belon's in th' da'rk, lik' me." He added sexily.

"But yet…" Angel began, staring deeply into Spike's hazel eyes. 

"And tho'…" Spike started, gazing soul-searchingly into Angel's clear green eyes.

They began to furiously kiss, and within seconds were naked, admiring each other toned, sun-bronzed bodies. They spent the next few hours or so in teasing foreplay before biting each other deeply and roaring.

While this was going on, Buffy had awoken and was watching the oblivious vampires in obvious appreciation. She felt herself getting soaked with wetness, covering the floor, before going on the offensive, and capturing Spike's mouth in a hungry kiss. He then looked deep into her blue eyes before moving in again for another kiss. Angel, feeling ignored, concentrated on fulfilling Buffy's every fantasy, and gently crushed his 200 pound body on Buffy's 100 pound one. Spike did the same, the two vampires both bit Buffy and the three remained like this for the rest of the night, and most of the next day.

Sometime later the following day, the three realised that all along they had loved each other, but hadn't realised it. 

"I want you so much," remarked Spike to Buffy, the following day.

"Not as much as I want you." She replied.

"Ah, but you are forgetting myself, who indeed also wants both of you." added Angel.

"So, should we think about leaving now?" Buffy asked.

"Probably." Spike agreed. "But not as much as I want you."

And the three began a healthy relationship, which would surely be respected by the community and would last forever.

I can't think of what to do next, so should I end it here? Ideas, guys?


End file.
